Thursday, November 20, 2008

DOW Chemical (NYSE:DOW) Buoyed by Mysterious Order for Green Printers Ink

The DOW Chemical Company announced today that it will be working at 100% capacity over the next couple of months to produce and deliver a mysterious order just after the new year. "The due date for the order is tentatively January 19th, 2009, or January 20st, 2009 at the absolute latest." said a DOW spokesman.

"This one order has us all really scrambling" said the DOW insider. "I mean the size of the order is an unprecedented, we are talking about millions of barrels of green ink, essentially a spuertanker full of the stuff. It is hard to imagine what anyone would do with such a vast quantity of green ink". The purchaser of the ink has asked to remain anonymous.

Such a large order could be a sign that the economy will rebound in the new year, International paper and Kimberly-Clark have also reported unusually large orders due early in the new year.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Greenspan Surprised That Those Who Manage Corporations Act Selfishly

This little gem from Greenspans testimony needs a second look:

"Those of us who have looked to the self-interest of lending institutions to protect shareholder's equity (myself especially) are in a state of shocked disbelief."

From here ->
and here:

Wow, I am stunned too. Who would have thought that executives who were paid hundreds of millions in yearly bonuses, each, might have been influenced by those bonuses? And influenced to act in a way that might not be in the best interests of the company? You mean they acted selfishly?

Obviously this Greenspan guy has never worked for a corporation. Any grunt not in the executive suite, IN ANY FRIGGIN COMPANY, knows that it's all about management. The people who work their way to the top are usually the most selfish bastards in the company. It is no surprise to 99% of Americans who are not CEOs or CFOs or Directors that these guys won't hesitate to act in the way that benefits them, regardless of the interests of the company.

It is a surprise to me, that this Greenspan guy, who surely would agree with the whole "greed is good" philosophy seemed to have a blind spot when it came to executive greed.

Hmmm, perhaps a quick check of his resume on Wikipedia --> . Oh, now it's clear - GREENSPAN HAS NEVER, EVER, HELD A JOB IN HIS ENTIRE LIFE WHERE HE EITHER DID NOT WORK FOR HIMSELF OR THE GOVERNMENT.

Yep - that explains the blind spot. Kind of a big blind spot for an economic expert. Hell, even the Russians under the government of the USSR knew the factory management was making out too damn well. Is there a country on this earth where the vast majority of people are not already familiar with this concept? Can they that take back that phony, I mean honorary, PhD?

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Scoop #2!! New Government Unemployment Measure to be Unveiled Before November

Administration sources have informed Market Factors that beginning in September of 2008, the government will do away with the U1 through U8 measures of unemployment.

Citing the need to modernize the measure to more accurately reflect key population factors, the new measure is widely expected to provide a more accurate picture of unemployemnt in certain core demographic groups.

The new measure called U-238 will have a much, much stronger emphasis on employed college grads, retirees, and white suburban women who have chosen to raise families instead of paid employment.

Preliminary numbers are already out: The September unemployment rate will stand at an impressive 0.1%. With such great news we can safely say that the goal of full employment has been acheived by the Bush Administration.

Unfortunately full employment brings other economic risks such as wage inflation which can hurt corporate profits and US competitiveness. The US chamber of commerce is said to be lobbying hard to increase the supply of foreign workers allowed into the US in order to keep the economy growing at its full potential.

Democratic Party offials said while the number does seem very good, and does undercut their case to the electorate, they were very busy with the election. They expect to look into the new measure sometime after the November election.

Scoop!! Q3 & Q4 2008 GDP Results

Market Factors has the scoop on Q3 and Q4 2008 GDP numbers!

Q3 2008 GDP will come in at an impressive 4.1% and Q4 2008 GDP will be a very respectable 3.9%. Core inflation will hold steady at 2.1%.

Administration sources said that the numbers were released early because the question of whether the economy is in a recession needed to be settled well before the Presidential election.

These impressive numbers, clearly show the US economy is doing just fine, thank you. The results should provide a big boost to Republican chances in November which ought to be great for stock prices.

Democratic Party offials said while the numbers do seem very good, and do undercut their case to the electorate, they were very busy with the election. They expect to have a comment on the numbers sometime after the November election.