Federal Reserve, SEC Enlist Psychics to Help Assess Credit Risk of Hedge Funds, Investment Banks

Financial investigators for the Federal Reserve and SEC took an unusual step today in their ongoing efforts to assess credit and stock market risk. In a move normally associated with grisly, unsolvable murders, investigators called on the services of several renowned psychics to help them solve their most baffling financial conundrums.

"It's the worst job I've ever had." said one psychic. "Stock readings are not so bad. With stocks we’ve seen a lot of earnings and CEO compensation problems. They all have transfer pricing issues of course, and nobody cares."

"But when you go through the tranches of Mortgage Backed Securities, it just makes your head want to explode. You are overwhelmed by thousands of bad financial decisions all at once. There is not a person involved in the making or selling of these things who has clean hands."

When asked if the job was really that bad, the psychic said: "Yes, it is. I literally vomited 4 times while assessing a single BB- tranche. After this government contract ends, I am sticking strictly to murders."